just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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