his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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