have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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