Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
