Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
