ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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