i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
