I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
