I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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