We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
