I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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