my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
this just has baby written all over it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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