Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
