I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
