he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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