Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We have started to decorate penises.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
