Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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