i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
