I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i jhust puked up my retainher.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
