So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
