she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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