you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
