Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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