He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
