Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
