So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
