we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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