yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
