nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
