Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
