i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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