the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
