Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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