she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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