so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
