it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
