I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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