I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
