oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
