Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
