my phone needs a breathalizer
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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