Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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