Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
