drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
