Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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