Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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