ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
