Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
