Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
