Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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