I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
