yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
