You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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