David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
