i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
