plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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